Obituaries

Donald Scheetz
B: 1944-06-28
D: 2017-05-27
View Details
Scheetz, Donald
Darleen Hoeg
B: 1925-01-11
D: 2017-05-20
View Details
Hoeg, Darleen
Mary Reidy Knipp
B: 1923-02-15
D: 2017-05-14
View Details
Reidy Knipp, Mary
Marie Doan
B: 1940-02-22
D: 2017-05-14
View Details
Doan, Marie
Donald Schoenfield
B: 1932-07-17
D: 2017-05-09
View Details
Schoenfield, Donald
John Millard
B: 1957-09-13
D: 2017-05-07
View Details
Millard, John
Christina Moffett
B: 1956-02-15
D: 2017-05-02
View Details
Moffett, Christina
Keith Hoskins
B: 1987-11-09
D: 2017-05-02
View Details
Hoskins, Keith
Frank Tarpy
B: 1933-05-25
D: 2017-04-30
View Details
Tarpy, Frank
Kenneth Downs
B: 1927-03-13
D: 2017-04-29
View Details
Downs, Kenneth
LaVonne Cusher
B: 1934-11-23
D: 2017-04-24
View Details
Cusher, LaVonne
Maynard Franck
B: 1945-04-22
D: 2017-04-22
View Details
Franck, Maynard
Kari Van De Walker
B: 1958-06-06
D: 2017-04-20
View Details
Van De Walker, Kari
Russell Palmer
B: 1951-02-28
D: 2017-04-19
View Details
Palmer, Russell
Gertrude Mumm
B: 1918-11-14
D: 2017-04-18
View Details
Mumm, Gertrude
Dolores Shannon
B: 1936-04-25
D: 2017-03-31
View Details
Shannon, Dolores
Edward Fitzgerald
B: 1949-02-13
D: 2017-03-29
View Details
Fitzgerald, Edward
Terry Webster
B: 1948-01-30
D: 2017-03-25
View Details
Webster, Terry
LeRoy Olsen
B: 1947-09-03
D: 2017-03-17
View Details
Olsen, LeRoy
Stella Mazur
B: 1925-02-04
D: 2017-03-16
View Details
Mazur, Stella
Nancy Krempges
B: 1954-09-05
D: 2017-02-25
View Details
Krempges, Nancy

Search

Use the form above to find your loved one. You can search using the name of your loved one, or any family name for current or past services entrusted to our firm.

Click here to view all obituaries
Search Obituaries
216 3rd Ave. SE.
Independence, IA 50644
Phone: (319) 334-2501
Fax: (319) 334-2502

Ending Denial and Finding Acceptance

Acceptance is the very first task in your bereavement. Dr. James Worden writes that we must "come full face with the reality that the person is dead, that the person is gone and will not return."

This is where a funeral can be very important. Traditionally, the casketed body of the deceased is at the front of the room and guests are invited to step up to personally say their goodbyes. Part of stepping up means seeing with our own eyes that death has actually occurred and that actualizing is an essential part of coming to accept the death. Yet, the tradition of viewing has eroded over time with many families today choosing cremation and opting to hold a memorial service after the cremation has taken place. The focal point of the ceremony becomes the cremation urn, holding the cremated remains or ashes out-of-sight and making the reality of the death less evident and the road to acceptance less clearly marked.

Acceptance May Seem Out-of-Reach

For many, acceptance means agreeing to reality. Most of us, when we lose someone dear to us, simply don't want to agree to it; we actually have an aversion to agreeing and accepting. So, let's use a different word - try adjustment, or integration. Both words focus on the purposeful release of disbelief. Someone who has integrated the death of a loved one into their life has cleared the path to creating a new life; a pro-active life where a loved one's memory is held dear, perhaps as a motivating force for change.

It does take time. In Coping with the Loss of a Loved One, the American Cancer Society cautions readers that "acceptance does not happen overnight. It’s common for it to take a year or longer to resolve the emotional and life changes that come with the death of a loved one. The pain may become less intense, but it’s normal to feel emotionally involved with the deceased for many years after their death. In time, the person should be able to reclaim the emotional energy that was invested in the relationship with the deceased, and use it in other relationships." 

Whatever you call it, this essential part of mourning is what allows us to live fully again. It allows us to step out of the darkness of mere existence and back into the sunshine where life is sweet again. Of course, it's a very different life than the one you had before your loved one died.

Sources:
Worden, James, Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, 4th Edition, 2009.

American Cancer Society, "Coping with the Loss of a Loved One", 2012